I never really knew how motherhood would change me. I knew I wanted to be more patient and less controlling, but what I didn’t know is that motherhood would lead me to question my every move.
The minute I found out I was pregnant questions starting popping into my head: is my baby going to be healthy, what should I be eating, am I getting enough sleep, did I have enough folic acid to ensure proper development of this little person…
As my pregnancy continued so did the questions: should I be eating this, is my weight gain normal, what will this little person look like, when will it arrive, will it be a boy or girl…
Now that Thomas is here, the questions are different: is Thomas getting enough milk, am I picking him up too much, am I changing his diaper enough, am I the reason he has gas and should I change my diet? Is he too hot, too cold, getting enough sleep, why won’t he go to bed in the evening, is it something I’m doing and the list goes on?
I know I will continue to second guess myself forever. I realize there isn’t a day that will go by during which I won’t consider doing things differently for the health and well-being of my little Thomas.
One thing I do know is that we love him despite sometimes making my nights a living hell, despite having taken away all my independence, and despite forcing me to change my vomit covered shirt several times a day.
I hope one day his daddy and I will be able to look back and realize all these questions were worth it and that we’re proud beyond belief of our little man.